Time is a funny thing. When we were young, it went by slowwwwwly. Adults said, just wait, when you get older, time will fly. Guess what, they were right. I feel like in a blink of an eye, 2018 went by at a speed that was unreal.

The challenge with that is that I have things to do. The everyday stuff, which I generally get done, and, the big stuff, the goals, mostly relating to my advocacy work. I wonder sometimes, will I accomplish those things? Will I write the book I have in my head? Will I travel the world sharing my story, educating, helping and inspiring others? These are questions that the new year brings to attention. We have those dates, those instances in time when we pause and reflect. I think New Years is one of the major ones. It is also that date when one truly realizes how fast this thing called time goes by. It is a moment to reflect on the things that you are grateful for, and the things you want to change. For me, it also adds to the equation in my head of, how long has it been? How old would she be? What would she be like? Those questions that always linger below the surface of every moment, everyday.

As the new year unfolds, I will ponder my path, my goals, my priorities. I will hone in on the things that inspire and motivate me. I will continue to balance this ongoing grief with the joy that is present in my life. I will continue self compassion and softness when necessary towards myself, a trait that I struggle with immensely. I want desperately to entertain the word hope again. It has been fleeting on and off over the past year, and almost non-existent for such a long time after they died. I want to inspire others, and want to figure out how to make that happen more. It is one of those things that fills me up and helps me do something with this immense tragedy that weighs on my heart.

What dear readers have you been pondering as the new year is upon us? I wish for you peace. I hate the merry and happy of it all. Not all of us can embrace that with what we carry. For some, it is a slap in the face of how we feel inside. So peace it is. I wish for peace in your heart and soul as you move forth into the new year, I wish you self love and compassion, I remind you that you are loved, wanted, and needed in case you forget. May this upcoming year have moments (hopefully many) that remind you of the beauty in the world and in people still. I continue to be grateful and humbled by those of you who share with me that my writing does make a difference, thank you for that.