Learning to ski in a whiteout is not good for someone who has anxiety

I am learning to ski, which as an adult, can be hard.  I realize the benefits of learning this young, when one does not have fear.  I remember when the kids were young and them doing things blindly, that I would never attempt.  I also think they are made of rubber at that age, so when they do fall, they just bounce right back up. I skied once ten years ago when dating a skier, who brought me up, showed me a couple of things, then brought me up on a lift.  Let’s just say it did not end well, as one can imagine.  This past Sunday, on the way home from Bend, we stopped at Mt. Hood Meadows where I took lesson number two. Continue reading

Progress after a trauma?

I went to my shrink yesterday (yes, he is okay with me saying that).  It had been awhile because of holidays, conflicting schedules and me seeing how I did with more time in between.  That last part is a first, up to this point I have been going anywhere from two times a week to every other.  At this point, he knows me pretty well after almost three years.  I made a commitment to myself, my family and friends after Jesse and Bella died, to be brutally honest in where I was, so that I could survive. Continue reading

Letting go of control

Control by definition according to the handy dandy Merriam Webster is: 1. the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events; 2.determine the behavior or supervise the running of. I joke now that I thought of myself as a “control freak” before Jesse and Bella died, but now, it is on a whole new level.  And not.  Continue reading