Sometimes when I stop to think about it, I feel like a badass. And sometimes, like the past few days, I feel broken. Continue reading
Broken
Reply
Tag Archives: panic attack
Subconscious – Leading up to the 3rd death anniversary – Part 2
Thursdays. They have not bothered me in a long time, however, last Thursday did. Jesse and Maribella died on a Thursday. For a really long time, much like one does with a newborn (oh, they are blank weeks old), it was, oh, it has been blank weeks since they have been gone. It was a welcome relief when my subconscious gave me a break on that. Continue reading
Learning to ski in a whiteout is not good for someone who has anxiety
I am learning to ski, which as an adult, can be hard. I realize the benefits of learning this young, when one does not have fear. I remember when the kids were young and them doing things blindly, that I would never attempt. I also think they are made of rubber at that age, so when they do fall, they just bounce right back up. I skied once ten years ago when dating a skier, who brought me up, showed me a couple of things, then brought me up on a lift. Let’s just say it did not end well, as one can imagine. This past Sunday, on the way home from Bend, we stopped at Mt. Hood Meadows where I took lesson number two. Continue reading
Anxiety and Dating
Last week I wrote about anxiety and lack there of. I have learned, and some may call this morbid, that I can not count on one thing or another with myself to last too long in that department. The challenge with PTSD is it never goes away and has this intimate dance alongside of anxiety. I recently read the title of an article called “high functioning anxiety.” My response was a hmfph, I got me some of that. I don’t stop. Well, that is not true. I have taught myself to. It is of course “scheduled” down time, god forbid I just allow it, right?! One of the ways I “deal with/manage/live with” the running movie reel in my head is to do and distract. When the PTSD and anxiety is particularly bad, you can count on me to ramp things up on my to do list. Continue reading
Christmas – After the Loss of a Child
Seven years, five months, fifteen days. That is how old she would be today. I usually don’t know that off the top of my head, unless it’s on the 21st (her birthday was June 21, 2009). However, it is something I can come up with rather quickly. Any parent who lost their child can. It’s a thing. Continue reading